“okay...uhh...”
“yeah...”
“so, does it even *matter* that half his facts are fucked up?”
“evidently not”
“puts up a slide of Maiden and talks about Quiet Riot”
“yah i caught that”
“and the other day my mom sees an old Iron Butterfly LP i snagged at a garage sale and says something”
“did he even mention Iron Butterfly?”
“hell no, what’s he gonna say that it mentions the Garden of Eden?”
“i doubt that would be...convenient”
“what’s the deal? he just goes around to different churches...”
“and spends hours telling people how SATANNNN-UH has infiltrated any decent music”’
“and toys...he did a thing just with parents the other night”
“i guess everyone’s gotta make a living huh?
“heh”
“i hear they were completely fucked up when they recorded In A Godda Da Vida”
“not surprising”
“so...to be like God you just basically gotta find problems with anything that people actually like”
“hey if they say it in church it’s gotta be the way right?”
“i just wanna know, how did these people spend their younger years”
“yeah prolly locked in a shed for using the wrong fork at the table”
“it’s sad”
“it is”
“i mean, he...well, kinda seems to mean well”
“i got that sense too, but still”
“it’s just...dunno, if someone really believes what they say, does it mean they can be wrong?”
“well enough people seem to wanna hear what he has to say”
“true”
“what is truth?”
“hey now don’t be goin all Bible on me”
“fuck, this dude seems to talk a lot about spirits and demons, does he ever read from the Bible?”
“good point. seems it’s all about his slides and stuff he’s telling people not to have”
“see this? don’t look at it!”
“hehh”
* * * *
“so...anything making sense yet?”
“i tell you what...our friend, this bloke...in four days he managed to use up quite a bit of tape, and not just calling his wife...”
“*did* he call his wife?”
“yah, i think so...”
“you *think* so”
“he left a couple messages on a machine on which he’d made, you know, the outgoing message”
“ahh”
“yeah...but i got a ways to go yet”
“did you just leave it on all the time?”
“all four days, yessir, smart enough to stop and start when someone picks up, hangs up, fucks up”
“damn”
“no kiddin”
“any shit on your brother while ur at it?”
“already IS shit, end of story”
“so who’d this guy call, that you’ve picked up”
“heh, gotta do some digging....”
“what?”
“he called a couple places that were, well, no introductions...”
“gotcha”
“yeah that kind of thing...and we have tone dial now so i gotta build a gizmo to read the damn tones one by one”
“then how you gonna use that -”
“HUHH, ask me in a week or two”
“oh i will”
“thank you SO much, your thoughtfulness will be remembered for the next half millisecond”
“hey won’t those numbers show up on the phone bill?”
“kinda doubt it, he used a phone card or something”
“ohh”
“no big, kinda like a challenge you know?”
“yeah i know”
“good”
“so what did he talk about with those ‘familiar’ calls?”
“you know, i might have to have you hear that part once i transfer it, even without knowing who he called...”
“hell YEAH!”
“seriously, it was something about an advance...maybe he’s writing a book?”
“could be”
“only heard it once tho, could be a number of things”
“sure”
“although, just remembered, on the other conversation it was more like he was talking with another speaker or preacher, whatever”
“hmmm”
“yeah and...could have sworn i heard the phrase ‘making it worth your while’ somewhere in there”
“wow...”
“oh yeah”
“dude i just got chills”
“that’s personal”
“so’s what i did to ur mom last night”
“yup, she was laughin about it this morning”
“just tell me, turdwad-”
“that’s my name”
“shut up. do you think he suspected anything?”
“oh HAYELL no, i’s just a po’ lil ol’ chuch boyah shootin’ basket-bawwwls and goin out wid his geerl freeaynd-uh”
“you sound like a queer”
“yeww surrre tawt me weyell, mah mastah”