The Flame

September, 1988

So the honeymoon is over for both the beginning of school and working at the grocery. 

Nick sits in the lot on a Friday late afternoon, having arrived a bit early for some reason, maybe to avoid being late, not that he ever has been, but there’s a chill in the air, and while flipping around the dial he hears that Cheap Trick hit start up and wanted to soak it in.

He realizes this track really does point him to some fire of unknown origin, and for that matter, unknown distance and intensity. At some point he has to fight tearing up, and naturally, yes, the urge to call Deej, but then…well, she might be good to talk to about this, should symptoms persist, who else? 

Life has gone on after the brief summer turbulence. He’s gonna rake some leaves as he has time, mostly for the serenity, not that he knows what to do with the bread it earns, save for college? A car of his own? Where would he go?

But at the moment the words indicate that The Flame is a person, or personified, such as the singer, but Nick isn’t convinced, and he has no idea why, or what, is going on with this elegant track.

So he draws a breath, and without resolving it (cognitively, at least), shuts off the key once the track fades out and grabs his vest to go play grocery clerk. This place isn’t so bad but it’s not great, either, especially when subjected to an earful from the provincial populace. Is this what his dad has to deal with at work? All the preoccupation with partying, innuendo, gossip…where’s the…well, the stuff he actually gives a damn about?

Thankfully this is one of the nights where the overzealous assistant manager doesn’t seem to be parked with the rest of the employees; it seems she delights on micromanaging the help, especially the younger males, which it would seem she didn’t have the greatest luck with over the years. Naturally there’s a rumor she swings the other way.

But for now, Nick finds a bit of peace, and maybe The Flame is something closer than one might think, something imminent.

A moment.

* * * * *

On a Sunday shift, when the store is only open 10-6 and he has to clock out for 30 minutes for lunch, Nick has a close brush with a gal known as Darlene and has built up a certain reputation, well, if you choose to believe it.

Word around the store is that this Darlene, a strong-featured, sturdily-built brunette with frizzy curls and prominent acne scars who’s most striking feature is her quiet, knowing confidence, is a special kind of deviant. Evidently she maintains a secret cohort of several men with whom she meets up individually on a regular basis for mutual satisfaction, but always on her own terms.

Evidently she is well practiced with certain personal exercises, for her most personal muscles, and can bring her partner to a conclusion without any other movement than said personal muscles. Of course there’s plenty of speculation over who all is in rotation, but then, isn’t all of this a cart of manure?

But that doesn’t stop the whispers and tension whenever Darlene stops in for this or that, which seems to be at least every other day, hardly saying a word, and purportedly paying extra attention to the male employees. Part of the speculation surrounds the assistant manager, a curious favorite of the female employees, even though that assistant manager jokes that there’s no way he’d ever get that lucky.

And so, sure enough, whenever Nick is stocking this or that, Darlene will be in the store 3-4 times a week and at times has hovered nearby, sometimes grabbing something off the shelf, and other times just looking, or pretending to. He hasn’t asked anyone else if she acts the same way, mostly since it’s just too...well, why fuel the fire?

Thankfully as the fall progresses there would be less frequent visits from Darlene (if that’s even her real name?) and so the hype dies down before he notices. But it causes him to think back to last year when there was a shady gal who transferred to JHS for just a few weeks, name was Carolyn or something similar, one of those older names that usually wasn’t given in his generation. But Carolyn was probably in the class ahead of him and would be seen smoking with the smokers and just, had had an edge, as if she were running her own business, the kind of business that any knowledge of became involvement, and involvement became culpability.

And so, for the moment, Nick is just glad to get back to his quiet space, mess around on his workbench and hope it includes a cast-off desktop computer sooner than later.

For DJ...Again

Like most years the holidays seem weird and jittery, well, at least not like in fourth grade when he got burned out on a stupid school musical that they didn’t halt even though a stomach bug broke out.

This year is jittery but with a sense of mission, albeit one with plenty of unknowns.

His folks were in agreement that Deke’s house arrangement had many more pros than cons, and besides, he knows how to keep the lawn nice (Deke insists that Nick was his best hired greenskeeper ever, although Nick insists that’s just a butter-up). And so he’ll take over utilities soon and gradually make the move. He’s got ample blessing to string wires for radio but there’s a lot of nearby power lines to limit options. It seems vertical antennas might get past that, we’ll see.

Times like this call for a project, especially since he’s caught up at the school lab and his side gig is set to go fully live in the new year and the ramp-up is so go so far. Fred has been chasing down some other leads so time will tell, but either way, he’s finally making Deej a sequel tape.

Of course the reality of now vs, what, six (damn) years ago is these selections really matter now, no wild pitches and even the ones with an in-joke will have purpose. Heh, purpose. Nothing reassures these days like purpose, which is prollably a good thing.

And double of course, well, even though he did this earlier in the year there’s just so much more…yeah, more, this time around.

And so, after a couple weeks of pining, this is what gets etched on a fresh Maxell high-bias 60, not that she’ll get to enjoy the extended range of chrome (although he plans to go as far as adjusting her car’s tape deck so the azimuth matches his deck for greatest effect...) but, again, they’re not eighth-grade brats anymore, and he’s not about to skimp. He’d even thought about going full metal (oxide) but some decks don’t handle those well so we’ll call it good. 

And this time he even considered trying to print some glue-on labels, but that would be impersonal - so once again the cassette shell will bear “For DJ - once more” and presented with a blank Maxell insert card, so she can hear it (or, maybe they hear it, together, upon request) and he’ll add a laser-printed playlist later on. 

Side One:

    1) Now - Krokus (better late than never!)

    2) Give It Away - RHCP (for some bump n’ grind)

    3) My Morning Song - The Black Crowes

    4) The Flame - Cheap Trick (LP version)

    5) Mista Bone - Great White

    6) Thank You - Led Zeppelin

Side Two:

    7) Tear Down The Walls - The Firm (our boy finally wised up…)

    8) Desire - U2 (don’t ask why, just needs to be here)

    9) She Only - Great White

    10) Nothin’ At All - Heart (for the Heart fan)

    11) Lost In You - Rod Stewart (this stood out from when WLS still played music and he’d dial ‘em in during showers before school)

    12) Pearl Necklace - ZZ Top (just to see how long it takes her to catch on…)

Runners Up:

    • Rod Stewart could have appeared twice with an encore of You’re In My Heart or Mandolin Wind

    • Save Your Love would have been an alternate GW but, yeah, that Halloween needs to live on.

    • Something earlier from The Firm, like Satisfaction Guaranteed or Radioactive - or hell, even Paul Roger’s previous band like Ready For Love…but, somehow, fitting Led Zep on here was perfect, since he first discovered them around the time he made her the first tape.

    • Def Lep’s Hysteria would be a double-dip, so, no.

Of course by using a chrome tape he makes every effort to get first-generation sources where possible, and so a lot of the selections are straight from library LPs that he re-checked out and dubbed in stolen moments here and there. Hell, he might make himself a dub of this to play in the car.

As it turns out, Deej gets pensive when he presented the tape, hands it back, 

“Make me a copy like you have, on a regular tape, for the car, then I’ll hang on to this in a special place.”

“A pickle jar?”

“No in my bra.”

And so it goes.

They had chosen the senior Eversoles’ basement as neutral ground for Christmas Eve and they kept it simple, she got him a nice leather belt and Great White’s Psycho City on CD, not bad.

For Nick, the tape was a much bigger deal than the promise ring he secretly snagged from the small jeweler in town that’s been in the same spot on Main since the pine trees along the river where just saplings. He kept it in the little bag in his left front jeans pocket until a moment presented itself, then as she leaned on him and nearly dozed off, he acts like he was reaching for a hanky and slips it onto her left hand.

“Nicholas James, what did you just do?”

He can see she hasn’t opened her eyes and is feeling it.

“It’s just a little something, for now.”

“For now, huh?” Deej draws a deep breath and he can feel her getting flushed. “You realize I don’t know whether to kick your ass or swallow you whole, right?”

“We always figure it out.”

Deej draws another deep breath then,

“OK I gotta go show this sucker off.”

Since she’s too flustered to stick around any longer they casually head out for an extended goodbye against her car and settle in to their own spaces. For now.

These Merry Gentlemen

Dec 29, 1992

Nick looks around the Jameson High School cafeteria where just about everyone he’s ever known displace countless ghosts from his years here. Actually as designated photographer he’s been snapping shots on Uncle Phil’s Olympus SLR which makes it nice to have a functioning auto-exposure.

The ball started rolling a couple of Saturday nights ago when Tim hinted he had big news, and they’d be back for a late Christmas and sticking around till New Years. One thing led to another and Steve and Debbie insisted they go big, and if they could rent a school property it would be alcohol-free and they’d bring Andy down as well as Joyce. So from there the snowball kept rolling, and thankfully the actual snow held off. 

So folks started trickling in as the hosting families wrapped up the decorations and refreshments.

Adding some unction to the growing snowball was news that Vance had popped the question and so they joined in along with their parent(s) and Brenda’s younger brother – who, at least thus far, is having absolutely zero luck with Sam.

And so there are Swansons, there are Eversoles, there are Dawsons, there are some families he doesn’t recognize, and as a surprise - Irene had gotten Kevin and his wife on board. He’s sporting a bit more weight and facial hair but married well, no surprise.

Oh and Noreen - couldn’t make it, she was stuck up north but had been checking in from time to time and is here in spirit, of course.

Chuck Tuttle also sends his regrets from the hospital as his angina acted up right before Christmas. But Lorena made it and is ne never far from Debbie to form quite a classy contingent.

April and Sam have thus far avoided having to shut down Stockton, who sticks where it’s safe with the guys. But Deej ended up dragging April over to meet Debbie to force the former to mingle some and not sit there like a bitter old bitty, and, to a point, it may have just done some good.

Most of the gals went with a short hemline and so Stockton has trouble keeping up, but tonight he’ll have to try his luck somewhere else for the most part.

Almost right on cue, Tim and Vance get the idea to do some caroling and so most of the younger dudes (including and especially Kevin) join in to go round a few blocks, and they almost snag Andy although he’s afraid he’s not in good enough shape to keep up. And so it starts with Deck The Halls in whatever key seems to work and on they go, well, until they get into the weeds then someone shouts out another tune to try, and on it goes.

But then during a lull as they pass some closed storefronts said Kevin bellows out in perfect pitch,

“Arrest these merry gentlemen is what the cops will say...”

Which gets hearty approval from the rest, and some try to respond, then leave it to Vance,

“No one will bother to post bail and in the clink we’ll stay.”

As the laughter dies down Kevin once again starts in with Burl Ives’ Holly Jolly Christmas only to end up carrying it mostly as a solo during the verses. Showoff.

Back at the hoedown the conversations echo and fill Nick’s mind with varied opinions on the president-elect and his wife, disapproval and intrigue at Madonna’s antics this year, but very little that he cared to really talk about, including his plans. At times he’s tempted to just channel Deej in her Muppet voice, “Vee shall see.”

At one point Irene flags him down, “Hey, what was that deal when you used to do the interviews, with that old microphone?”

Nick thinks for a minute, “Oh yeah…<clears throat>...you’re a dingaling and a bozo, how do you respond to these charges?”

The ladies giggle, then Irene actually breaks it down, “He doesn’t even allege anything, just hits ‘em with an accusation…”

Nick had never realized that’s what makes it pop. Feeling inspired he heads over to an equally uninspired Sam and tries it out, after which she very calmly reaches toward her right ear that faces him and starts scratching behind it with her middle finger.

So he prods, “Maybe you need to wash that spot more often.”

This time she takes a decisive swat toward his groin and he barely turns in time. Groups are just not her thing.

About then he gets roped in to some pics of the three couples, so they gather and as a press pool suddenly forms with Phil taking his Olympus back. Nick can’t help but notice April, obviously not having the best of time and it finally hits him, her expression, both back in Sunday school and now, reminds him of the girl on that Foreigner album cover in the restroom, Head Games. Aye. It’s getting pretty obvious that she loves her cynicism more than anything else these days, and Nick is a tad envious of that.

Deej had tacitly suggested his wardrobe tonight, leather shoes, khakis and yes, the fabled Hawaiian shirt, untucked even. However she based her ensemble around a nice skirt since we have to be ready for the paparazzi. Evidently Sam and April were in on the same joke and have never looked better.

At one point Brenda re-joins the table with a Crystal Pepsi on the rocks and that takes on a life as Nick and Vance hover behind their gals. 

Never to be outdone, April picks her moment, regarding the novel clear cola, “I hear it tastes like ball sweat,” then punctuates it with a raised eyebrow.

Right then Sam nearly chokes on her first sip of said Crystal Pepsi, but the others lock eyes, exchange knowing grins, and even Nick can tell they’re daring one another to break as Sam slowly lights up, obviously keeping step with the big girls.

Nick doesn’t give ‘em the satisfaction, “OK I’m outta here.”

Just as Vance chimes in with, “My, look at the time…” the gals explode with cackles and turn every shade of red under the sun.

The atmosphere is a lot like a myriad of church dinners from growing up, except without the gym facilities where the kids would play ball and horse around after the eating had wrapped up, although, well, there are some kids here and there’s obviously untold shenanigans among the cacophony of voices.

Earlier in the week, while Nick was struggling to stay preoccupied with anything work related (and somewhat tempted to get in some hours in for Bain just for some structure), news started going around that his ol’ buddy Ted Polanski had been ID’d as a deceased vagrant out in southern California. They were taking up a collection for his wife and son, and Nick didn’t hesitate to chip in a twenty in addition to what his parents gave, was the least he could do, as some volunteering lawyers tried to recover at least some of the ill-fated estate.

Vance found a new conversation looming so Nick leans against a wall and takes a deep breath, trying to catch the contagion of the room. But then, this time of year has usually come with a dull, empty numbness of sorts.

Polanski. That worthless fucking piece of shit, couldn’t even offer the satisfaction of rotting in jail for his trouble, took the easy way out. That handful of weeks he lead Nick’s Sunday School class make more and more sense – for better or worse – the older he gets. At the time he didn’t have the words to express how uncomfortable it was, the tension, the passive aggressive, almost accusatory tone that made Nick start to feel guilty for things he had no idea he had done – but it was all a projection from whatever dark place that drove the man; essentially, anyone who was not Ted Polanski was guilty of not being Ted Polanski. Nick still didn’t like to condemn someone to hell, but what if that’s where they already lived?

He’s also fighting the sense that Noreen seems conspicuously absent, as if she were hiding somewhere, not feeling worthy to be here, or just feeling left out. But then, he gets the sense she’ll be just fine, the kicker being: how fleeting their time was, and how, even knowing that at the time he couldn’t seem to soak more of her in than he did. But there’s been hints that Bart may want to upgrade a couple desktops at the shop soon, so at least there’s still a connection to that world.

Nick finds himself standing near the table where a gal named Janet always sat with a couple other folks. One grade ahead of him and with a bonafide glandular condition that made her weight unmanageable, had nevertheless earned the moniker Planet Janet. Nick had always struggled with the fact that a handful of idiots had to start that shit, although, given her level of self-acceptance it almost seemed she had come up with it herself. Last he heard she had found success with an experimental treatment and was now barely recognizable. What a world.

At some point tonight he realizes he’d been subconsciously avoiding the row where the Big Bang took place, allegedly where this character had his hand down a poor gal’s dungarees under the table toward the beginning of Nick’s freshman year. But then he was strangely drawn to where he sat at the time, none the wiser, and probably falling prey to the ultimate had to be there. It involved a common idiom at the time, don’t shit your pamps, which included the barbed intimation that the audience still wore Pampers. So one afternoon between bites of peaches Joe Corydon quips, inn yourrr paaamps, to the tune of Loverboy’s latest hit from the Top Gun movie. Such a multitude things we don’t try to relate to anyone who didn’t do time in this place.

So he meanders over to Deej just as he sees an Emmett Bain walk in, quickly waves to Ned and Fred, then walks up to Nick with that trademark sneering grin as he reaches for a handshake,

“Hey you know anyone who can upgrade my stores, really, REALLY cheap?”

Going Home

Sunday Dec 6, 1992

During lunch leftovers at the Swanson house the phone rings. It’s Deke.

Not surprisingly our heroes slept well after they tried to watch reruns only to succumb to shenanigans, highlighted by Miss DJ refusing to be outdone at being teased for the good part of an hour on the trip home from the boxing, and so Nick was subjected to a slow burn. But they wisely moved their operations to a blanket on the floor to avoid some awkwardness and help ensure they didn’t fall asleep and but rather end up in separate rooms, you know, for good measure.

And so the morning had been a check of the airwaves and some gin rummy downstairs until this point. Irene led a Scripture-devotional for herself and Ned but within earshot, so our heroes kept mostly quiet during the games, which Deej had won handily this time.

“Hey man, you still alive these days? You been working too hard on that contract?”

Nick takes the cordless out of the room since he’ll have to explain something in the next few breaths.

“Yeah, the fall really kicked in and I lost track of time - you doin’ OK?

“Oh, I’m great, and got some things to run past you in fact, been makin’ plans, junior - got some time this week, or even today?”

“Actually, yeah, we’re just hangin’ out, yesterday we packed up my mom’s mom’s house, she has to move to a nursing home.”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that Nicko, that’s pretty tough - you can fill me in on that.”

“Sure thing, well, I can head over soon but, well, my girl is here - actually, different girl now from the summer, long story but it all worked out.”

“Oh…OHHH, damn dude, you move fast!”

“Actually I told you about her over the years, Danni, from the church school.”

“OH the tall strawberry blond? You DOWG, hey bring her with you if you two are serious, since, well, you’ll see.”

Nick pauses a minute and knows better than to make sure he’s cool with her coming along.

“Sounds great, we’re finishing up lunch, got any of that ice tea?”

“Ha not today but I’ll put on a pot of coffee and have some pie in the fridge.”

“Deal! You still know how to bargain, Deke.”

“Alright my man, give your folks my best and see you soon.”

And so Deej, true to form, scrambles to get her spare jeans from her car and raids Nick’s closet for a decent “top” before fussing with her hair, which evidently takes longer now that the bangs are growing out. Nick just thinks it looks kinda hot in her trademark understated way, although, deep down he’s glad she’s not heavily endowed in the chest to where she’ll stretch out his shirts.

Once a few blocks away Nick is greeted with a shoulder hug and Deej is greeted by a barrage of grief for claiming this ne’er do well, in fact, pretty quickly they are bonding over the whole church-house fiasco from five years ago, but alas, Nick just grins; there’s far worse ways to pay one’s dues and none could be this fun.

They tactfully catch him up on Noreen and how things worked out in recent weeks, and their plans, although, granted Nick’s are a bit more open-ended at this point.

So Deke poses this, “So Nicky, you still work at the campus - wonderful place - do you feel like you still have purpose there, one way or another, or is this freelance gig with Fred gonna take off?”

Nick draws a breath, “Right now it’s a mixture of both, but yeah, if we get more clients here or there then I’d move on from the lab tending. I’d still like to get a bachelors though, even if it’s just a few hours at a time.”

“That’s good,” then Deke grins, “Are those buildings over there still as tall as when you started?”

“Hmm, hadn’t really thought about it, but yeah in the past year they don’t seem like mine to conquer, but for the next group.”

“There ya have it, that’ll be $95 for the first hour,” then Deke explodes into laughter as Nick shakes his head and Deej just finds them both way too endearing.

“Alright, so here’s, we’ll…alright…so I’m not getting younger and the firm is doing fine without me, and you know I’ve been spending more time up home.”

“With your daughter?”

“Ahh, yes, indeed, we’ve gotten more acquainted over the years, you know her mother made a clean split - anyway, so it turns out she does a lot of nonprofit work with inner city concerns, and - Nick you, I mean have you ever been through the South Side?”

“Oh just to get to the big museum.”

“Ahh, it’s a different world ain’t it?”

Nick didn’t know what to say, at first, then he balled up, “Deke I was in a van full of white church kids from the sticks, which is a different world in itself.”

“BAHHHHHH haaa haa haaa!” Deke claps his hands and has to recover a minute. 

Nick glances over at Deej who throws him a beaming wink.

“Oh Nicky, that sounds about right, but we have it so nice down here, it’s calm and the problems don’t compound themselves - I know you’ve heard it all before, but, damn, that’s where I came from!”  His face is more serious than he’s ever seen.

“Sounds like a calling, old friend.”

“It is, Nick, it really is…I think, well, shit, before you pups were even a twinkle in your mommas’ eyes, when Lew offered to start a practice down here, I dunno, I just wanted to say I made it -”

“Oh you made it,” Nick chimes in but not completely sure he should.

“Well, thank you, but…now there’s so much more, I mean I never wanted my name in the firm’s, it seems like I never knew when I’d have to go back, and now, well, I think I’m in pretty good shape for 62 ha!”

“Deke I hope I’m in half your shape at that age - you still swim?”

“Not in December, fool!”

Nick and Deej laugh.

Deke grins. “So, I’m goin back home soon, but not buyin’ a house - Nicky, I want you to take care of this place for me.”

Nick pauses, “Okay?”

“What I wanna do is set up a trust of sorts, where you are legal custodian and rightful heir of this place. I’ll still retain the ownership and equity should I ever need to fall back on it, but I doubt it. This may come as a surprise but Nicky this feels right in my heart, I want you to keep the memories alive, they really mean a lot, and I have no use for it, but you do.”

Nick just stares at a wall, “Hmm.”

“OK, alright son I just laid a lot on ya, but go talk it over with your folks and we can all meet soon, but I want to start my work up there the first of the year, even if you just keep an eye on the place for a while.”

Nick finally takes a deep breath, “OK, wow, sure -”

Deej saves him, “Deke I’ll make sure he explains it correctly to Ned and Irene.”

“Oh thank you my dear, I can tell you’re gonna keep this poor fool in line.”

Nick looks over as she frames a line perfectly, “Science can only do so much.”

And there it is, the biggest laugh of the afternoon.

Boxing Day

Saturday Dec 5, 1992

Around 9:30 pm

Nick and Deej cuddle in the back seat of his parents’ wagon, this time returning from Grandma Joyce’s place for the last time. 

But the rule seemed to be keeping things light in the face of, well, yeah. 

Today was boxing with Steve and Deb, which worked out with three pairs and surprisingly lively conversation, laughter and most surprisingly, the gals really hitting it off. After lunch especially, every time Nick would go near where they were working they would get quiet and flash each other looks, which of course means he doesn’t even wanna know…

The guys took on the garage, which, thankfully, didn’t have any nasty stash of porn, just mostly Andy’s trove of auto parts for which Steve had already found an enthusiastic buyer along with the Maverick. At one point Steve offers this,

“Nick I’m really glad you got yourself a fine tall gal, she reminds me of Mariette Hartley back in the 70s.”

Ned chimes in, “Hey I see that too, Nick was little though – wasn’t she in those Polaroid ads with, was it Garner?”

And on it goes.

Most other things of any value would go to a consignment shop, everything else donated, well, except the family keepsakes of course.

It’s good to know Grandma’s estate would get a little boost, although Steve mentioned there’s no worries about her stay at the nursing home for however long. Andy will go to a halfway house of sorts and hopefully keep at least half way out of trouble.

The most bittersweet part was dinner with all of them. Joyce looks the same as a few weeks ago, understandably a bit bewildered by all this but, well, she simply loves being with everyone. Nick can’t help but wonder why this didn’t happen more over the years, but then, hell, they probably all are.

But then, Andy had always needed to show off in a crowd, which probably has a lot to do with that. But recent events may have just sobered him up some. Tonight no one is drinking and it seems just fine, Ned struck up quite a conversation with him about the football, which seems to be Andy’s preoccupation these days, good for him.

And so this trip home is a huge relief on many fronts, and while his parents chill to whatever Irene finds on the radio, Nick has Deej in a fluster, sneaking in ear bites, whispering this and that - which may just come true tonight as she’s taking the spare bedroom, well, at some point. She had gotten to the house bright and early despite April and Sam keeping her up as long as they could the night before and got to catch some winks on the way up as Nick took a turn driving.

The past week had been a changeup with no classes at the campus for holiday break, hard to believe his first term as a post-student completed, so he put in as much time as possible getting the labs ready for another whirl – and somehow, despite Goody’s reassurances, it never seems like enough. 

Thankfully Chuck Tuttle’s plant is semi-live and looking good, so he’ll swing back that way some this next week to start shoring things up.

But on Monday morning he got to pop a tape into the car’s Pioneer deck and let it sink in, such a unique, precious thing, and only the girls had another copy of the final mix (he had even offered them the first generation copy but they declined). Nick had panned each of the girls a little ways to each side, maybe a third ways, but who knows if those pots are linear. Either way, with the bass in the middle and his leads panned opposite of Sam’s strumming it really came together, more or less, would be nice to EQ the tracks some, but still, wow.

Gradually he and Deej settle down and just lean on each other, she dozes off and he prolly does too.

One way or another tonight is definitely one to tune in the jazz radio. But at the moment, Nick is internally giddy at a recent discovery that Deej doesn’t find that interesting, but just the same, it turns out Paps had a tape of rather raunchy stories in morse code stashed in the trove, simply marked “CW Speed Building,” and what a way to build speed.

Rolling

Nov 29 1992

Alright you…

I woke up and had to pee and I could tell you were sawing logs so I wanted to tell you this way how perfect tonight was. I think you know it’s been crazy these past weeks, DUH you’ve been living it with me HA but Nicky this, well, I think I needed to take a step and I hope you were ready for that step. Also I hope you know I don’t expect us to repeat this, not that it will ever be the same, but…well, if you do I may just keep something handy (blush).

And I know you were probably hesitant to, um, “finish the job” and that’s OK, in fact, I would be a bit hesitant myself although we know not it’s pretty low risk. But now I feel like my own person and of course closer to you and more sure of us than I’ve ever been, and that’s what I needed tonight.

OK enough blabbering and mush, get some well-earned sleep (HA!) my dear and I hope we can nail the song tomorrow - OH, how about my grandparents’ basement? I’m pretty sure they would understand and may even like the music, my parents always suspected they were closet hippies, isn’t that hilarious?

Well love you and talk in the morning, gonna sneak this in your room and TRY not to get in bed with you (HEE HEE)

DJ

* * * * *

Nick noticed the letter on his stand after his morning pee, with just “Hey” on the outside fold, just like her to try and leave it there unnoticed. 

Deej is already talking to Irene downstairs and he goes to work tracking down the mental list of equipment to make it all work, including his entry-level RadShack mic from a sixth-grade Christmas list, and, crap, his other cast-off mics from the old church were a tad iffy but we’ll see, would be ideal to track the girls separately.

Hot damn, yeah, really need to make sure Sam is on board for an ASAP session, so we head downstairs for eggs and such.

But fear not, Sam has been confirmed and all Nick needs to worry about is equipment. And so gals give him shit for preparing a list while fixing and consuming eggs, and so Deej steps in and helps cook the breakfast - ain’t she sweet?

So there’s a factory-fresh chrome cassette, the mics and cords - stands would be nice but chairs or pillows will work in a pinch. His guitar, Peavey amp and the bass plus at least one cord, and need a tuner. The master plan is for the girls to go first then he will add his stuff in separate tracks afterward. OH need phones then, good catch. But this way it’ll be in the same spirit then he can mix it down later, as it turns out they have the mixer all week, it seems the home group sponsor is a bit too trusting but here we are.

And so the materiel makes its way down the stairs then he gets help loading it into his car, and they’re off, he follows Deej since she has to pick up their pint-sized mastermind.

Once at their makeshift studio, the deal becomes that that spectators are welcome to spectate from the stairwell, as a form of rent. Ralph expressed every regret for not being able to help carry and Nick gradually realizes he needs to grab a brew with this fellow sooner than later, or, well, whatever beverage his health allows.

So once they’re all tuned up and set up and cued up for the initial take with just the girls, Nick pauses and looks at them for a drawn-out second, long enough to get a pair of inquisitive looks in return, then ponders, out loud, 

“So why are we doing this?”

The girls exchange glances, Deej draws a deep breath, then Sam answers, 

“I just thought it would be cool.”

Nick was ready for this, “Hon it’s already beyond cool. We’re making something bigger than any of us.”

Deej throws Sam a look that seems to say, there ya have it.

Sam alternates glances at each of them, then huffs, 

“Are we gonna pull our dicks all day?”

Nick grins, “That’s what I wanted to hear, let’s go…three…two…you know what to do,” then clicks the tape as the gals pick it up while his ears get a little warm – did she really just say that with her grandparents right there?

Release

Saturday

Nick and Deej walk solemnly along the reservoir around 9:30 in the morning. She had shown up unannounced just as Nick was having breakfast and casually asked if they could get some air. Despite the fact that she was sunny for Irene, he gets credit for solving the quick math that something lurketh beneath. 

As soon as he backed out of their driveway she broke into tears, so Nick just holds her hand and lets her.

At the reservoir lot she’s down to occasional sobs as she stars blankly out the window, so he opens her door, takes her hand and here they are.

After some sighs, 

“Okay…so, my grandma Gladys is upset that us girls don’t want to have kids.”

Nick pauses as long as his conscious will allow. “Ouch.”

After a few more breaths, “Yeah…I mean, well, I think mostly she’s just trying to understand, but she broke down when talking to Mom and I just found out late last night.”

Nick sighs, “I bet that didn’t help you sleep.”

“What sleep? Well, I think I did a little.”

Nick realizes his body is about ten different temperatures, being somewhat bundled up on a sunny, breezy day, and can’t find words.

She picks up, “Mom and Dad are still thinking of adopting, so to me that all works out, but you know how grammas are.”

“Yeah.” Actually he’s just going along, although he can imagine his Gramma June would be tickled if Tim and Dena get productive at some point.

She squeezes his hand and looks over at him, “Nick you look pale.”

“Sorry.”

She laughs and hugs him, draws a deep breath, “Thanks for bringing me up here, you know we’re doing great, right?”

“I hope so.”

“And you know how hard it is for us girls, we don’t like to disappoint but that doesn’t change things, I have goals, and hell there’s plenty of other people’s kids out there - anyway.”

“Don’t you have cousins on that side?”

“Yeah but that’s a situation I don’t wanna go into.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah.”

* * * * *

Noreen greets them with a hug, Deej first, then breaks into tears against his chest. Deej rubs her back as she tries to whisper, 

“Nicky thanks for believing in me this year.” She has her hair tied back, jeans and a button-up top, looks really nice. 

Actually most of the gang is more presentable than usual, plus some miscellaneous school cohorts mixed in, and he has yet to get a lowdown from Bart on the Cordoba project, although he’s pretty sure it’s snug under a tarp in a rather undisclosed location.

So he just squeezes her a little tighter then she breaks free and talks to Deej to let him off the hook.

As a diversion he glances over at the spread just as the big guy finds him with a hearty handshake, “Hey dude, better dig in!”

So they catch up for a few minutes and sure enough Bart has of yet barely touched prized toy but hopes to once things slow down over winter.

Once the McDonnell sibs have moved on he and Deej grab paper plates, he makes a cold-cut Dagwood and she just gets some pasta salad and fruit. 

Today had been chill time while she and Sam ran around some after their walk and then some after they got back, during which he played some radio while Deej dozed off on his bed as she does. There seems to be a rager of a contest this weekend so he hails some on the noobie portion of 40 meters and makes a single contact. Alas, this speed is starting to feel like a well worn shoe and he’s more and more tempted to upgrade soon, possibly do a study sprint after Christmas.

Deej had been rather elusive after her time with Sam, actually, pretty much the classic vibe that convinced him to reach out to her in the first place. The twist was that she had arranged to sleep in Tim’s room tonight since they might get back late from the next county, so they basically swap sisters tonight. 

And then on the ride over she seemed in a dreamy state, he wore the brown leather shoes with jeans and she went with a knee-length denim skirt and flats with a cute top. Even still he finds her legs distracting when driving, like they’re beckoning his attention as a bratty move, as someone calling your name then turning away when you look at them.

And of course, she tops it off with that KMart parfum-de-whatever from back in the day. Doesn’t say much tonight, just takes his arm as they walk.

So now they find a couple chairs in the corner and dig in and just watch everyone. At one point between a cheese block and a grape, she pipes up, 

“Do you mind taking a little walk after we eat?”

Nick looks over and she has her eyes somewhere in the room then throws him a rather mischievous grin. “Umm, sure?”

She smiles and goes on consuming as he realizes he’d never really talked to her family besides Bart’s gang and Arden. He’s also torn whether to say hi to Edna although he could prolly get away with introducing Deej since there’s not going to be any context at this point.

But the ambiance is pretty contagious tonight, from what it sounds like the clan usually does their own thing on thanksgiving then they do a big feast on Saturday, and usually plan it around a game or another.

After throwing their plates away, Nick makes good and they greet Edna, she’s delighted to see them and bluffs her way through but Nick does his best to do the same and it feels nice.

As they sneak out toward the metal shop Deej pulls him behind some machinery and starts a once-over so thorough it’s nearly a twice-over.

After a bit she lets up, “Listen bucko…tonight’s been great, um…”

“Yaess?”

“So, if you take me to her cabin, we’ll find it unlocked.”

“Oh…”

“Yeap just a bunch of boxes except what gets left for whichever brats take it over next.”

“Ahh-”

She plants one on him, “Lead the way stud.”

So they meander through the back of the shop complex, out the door and turn toward the main gravel lane which is well-lit enough for this purpose. Once again she takes his arm and leans her head on his, runs her fingertip on his forearm, but this time, 

“So…I had to run papers to the health office this week and may have grabbed something from the counter while no one was looking.”

Nick pauses, “A school pen?”

“Uh, no…something for your pen.”

Then he remembered that they sometimes set out a bowl of, well, cock socks. “OH.”

“So if you don’t mind, I’m totally ready - you don’t have to finish in me, but…”

“Gotcha,” then seals it with a smooch. No pressure.

It really is a nice, clear starry night, but his head becomes much less clear as they approach the storied cabin off to their right. Although one thing is certain, whatever forces are at play here, this will certainly reset every single memory made here with the previous occupant.

The approach stones are just as he remembered, Nick practically starts counting them, and sure enough, not locked. They can see around some by the ambient light from the poles outside but just the same he carefully maneuvers to the kitchen and flips that on just long enough to get their bearings and once again reset his mindset from this being her space to that neatly stacked boxes, some appliances and, yes, the sofa.

As he makes his way back toward Deej it’s understood that sofa is calling and without a word they set their coats on the back, she undoes her skirt, slips it off to sit on and takes her place. 

“Oh,” he blurts out as his eyes finally adjust to the fact that she’s going commando.

“Yeah, it’s one of those days and I’d have to wring ‘em out by now as it is.”

“Dayamm.”

She giggles as she undoes her top.

Nick’s knees get weak.

“Alright, come to mamma.”

He takes a step forward and she undoes his belt and so he joins in and awkwardly helps, then tries to fumble with her bra as she - clearly in charge here - gets his pen ready to write a new story. With that, she takes him in her mouth and works the magic she’d been known for in recent weeks, plus maybe some new moves that may or may not have to do with girl talk on girls nights.

Either way she keeps this going a minute or two while reaching for her purse and he hears the package tear, then she gently bites the end and suits up his little fireman.

“You ready?”

“You tell me.”

“Gimme gimme.”

So he hunkers down, moves his jeans down to his ankles and tries to find a position, then remembers this couch is on the low side and gets inspired, pulls her knees up over his shoulders as she makes the coupling arrangements, rubs it around, he can feel the warmth and she’s wet all over down there, smells wonderful mixed with that old perfume, and it’s almost too much.

Before he knows it he’s on track and gently eases in as she reacts, a mixture of familiar and new, and slowly starts the rhythm. She’s plenty deep and he’d never reach the end but she doesn’t seem to mind, and he gets the idea this really needs to get lively soon, and so he works it slightly faster, faster, then remembers his manners and works her fun button some with his thumb, but then, it seems more right to hold her hands. 

It’s about now that something sets in, he’s nowhere near ready, so we just press on, he reaches for the bra and just flips it up, seems the bold move she needed, so he adds some new moves, leans in to meet her mouth, bites her lip some, speeds up the rhythm, he strokes her neck and ears, 

“Don’t stop don’t stop oh Nicky…” then about ten seconds later, taking him by surprise she really lets out a hearty scream, maybe mixed with a fruity smelling burp and there may have been a puff down there, then she just slumps and he remembers he needs to keep her from sliding onto the floor.

Instinctively he scans the windows just to make sure no pervs are trying to look in, but it’s clear, once again quiet. So he decouples gently and gets her situated on her back, pulls his pants back up, then grabs a paper towel from the kitchen to at least dry her off some. Just as he’s trying to gingerly do that she snorts, 

“Sorry, “ then takes a deep breath, “Oh honey, did I black out?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Nicky there was nothing little about that, give me a minute.”

“We got all night babe.”

“Commere,” so she starts a long kiss that serves as a late foreplay of sorts, then as she regains her wits she fumbles for his fly, he assists, and before long that shroud comes off and she’s taking care of business while lying on her side and him still on his knees, which of course doesn’t take long but this time she keeps it inside her, probably wise since they’ll hopefully hang out some more.

While Nick recovers from that she freshens up in Noreen’s nearly-bare bathroom and seemingly has that perfume in her purse along with other surprises tonight.

So Nick also straightens up his look and doesn’t even think of previous escapades in this very bathroom, although he doesn’t care to peek into the bedroom.

Once back at the party Noreen locks eyes with his date and their secret is suddenly written all over her face, then naturally she pulls her expected shit, 

“Good boy!” with the same cadence as if congratulating a toddler on toilet training as she smacks his ass convincingly while walking past.

Deej clears her throat, “Howbout some cake now that we’ve had dessert?”

“And a beer.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

So they raid the spread once again and sit near a group this time, hell, there’s worse ways to get tired on a weekend.

Nick finds jazz for the ride home and Deej dozes off despite her determination to keep him company, but once again, this is a reset of course - not a redemption, but just, well, sometimes a space just gets re-purposed, like a rail trail.

As they walk into his house around 11:30  he’d already offered her the shower first and she’s not washing her hair yet and promised to be quick, he’ll just catch the end of SNL in the mean time, but alas, on the counter, they behold the sound mixer that Sam must have sent with his folks.

Our heroes look at each other like little kids on Christmas.