Ham Exam

Saturday Sept 19, 1992

At a pay phone in a library in a town he's only been to a few times, Noreen finally answers during the fifth ringydingy, in a subdued voice,

"Heh-hello?"

"Hey are you OK?" Nick's concern from not being able to reach her after two attempts this morning is almost alarming.

"Hey, got your message, sorry I didn't answer, slept till about 20 minutes ago and I feel like hell, throat hurts."

"Oh man, can I stop by?"

"NO...I mean, sweetie, I'm a mess and I don't want you getting this."

"But I don't want you sick and by yourself."

She pauses. "Babe you are awesome, but I'll be fine, I just need to rest. How did you do?"

"Passed the three tests, just have to get my ticket in the mail in a few weeks."

She squeaks, "Y........ss," then starts coughing.

"Ok wow you are in rough shape lady."

"Well it serves me right for staying so busy after the trip, I think I need to rest better before classes start up."

"Next year I'll try to remind you."

Brief pause. "Please do. I hate that I couldn't go with you, did Al join you?"

"Yeap, he took 2 of the 3 and will just have the higher bands, wants to get a talkie walkie."

"That's adorable - *cough*." Her voice sounds worse every sentence.

"Are you sure you'll be OK?"

"Yes, someone will either call or stop out to poke me with a stick."

"That's my job."

"Listen you...alright, I'm gonna...um, find a...TV, a tape."

"Go bundle up and watch MST3k."

"Yeah, that or Phantom, with a big mug of tea."

Nick is almost sure she means ...of the Opera but doesn't want to make her explain. "I'll check up on you later."

"Go help your poor mother with housework and hook up your radios."

"Noreen, I love you."

Silence for a good ten seconds. "God my head just left my body. You sure pick your moments don't you?"

"Well I know it now."

"Sick or not I could kick your ass right now. Are you at the library?"

"Yeah a pay phone."

Brief pause. "Man I love that place. You better go on home, slick, lemme rest and I'll deal with you later, OK?"

"Ok get some rest"

"I will, and I love you." She hangs up the phone. Nick has to grin at her means of punctuation. It's now that he consciously realizes her timbre is quite sexy when she's sick and that it's probably not something to mention until she feels better.

He had arrived about 10 till 9, checked the basement, found it empty, so looked around the library, aged as a fine wine, he could but imagine the shorter version of Noreen taking the place in while her dad looked things up in the newspapers they keep in that side room, coin prices, he thought she'd said.

There's a space for kids that's currently empty but it's early yet. Nick checks back downstairs just as Goody wanders in.

"Been here long?"

"Long enough."

They find two men and a woman setting up, Goody's turn to speak as they enter the basement room with the tables, "Looks like the party's just getting started."

After some introductions they are invited to take a seat and they start reviewing applications.

Nick is across from a fellow who gave his name as Bud, who perks up after seeing his name, "Swanson, I used to work traffic with a Swanson -"

"W9EAU by chance?"

Bud just looks at him full on. "Yeah, good ol' Jim, we sure miss him but I get the idea you do even more."

"Sure do, called him Paps."

Bud pauses a second, "Oh Nick, I don't have to tell you - did you get to spend time with him in the shack?"

"I sure did now and then, and I have most of his stuff, books, cards, the RTTY box, Icom 745. OH, but I got a current book from Radio Shack where I used to work, until this character hired me."

Goody just grins.

"OK, wow and you're going for Novice?"

"Actually I'm gonna try the Technician too."

"Well be our guest, no extra charge, did you catch that Phil, another Swanson on the air!"

And so that set the tone, after a couple other folks came in, including a pre-teen boy and his mom they got folks set up with the tests. Three of them were taking the Morse code but would have to go in turn since they only had one tape player and they all agree that the youngest should go first, kid is a 5th grader named Jerry that had gotten the bug at a scouting event.

Nick ends up taking both written tests back to back, acing one and missing one on the other. He admitted changing an answer and it turns out his initial guess was correct, but he had still passed by a mile.

With his typical understated, somewhat waddling gait, Goody turns in his second paper, Nick makes a remark about how fun it is to see his instructor take a test.

Goody is quick as ever, "You know I'm on good terms with the registrar and the ink isn't dry on your diploma yet."

This gets a laugh in the room of course.

Once graded, the instructor is all set for his license and nudges them to "not spare the red ink" when grading Nick's CW.

"Yeah, yeah at least I'm taking it," is all he can muster.

So Nick waits for the headphones and feels ready in between bursts of confusion about Noreen, maybe someone needed her help this morning on short notice, here comes the preamble set of VVV VVV (each one bee-bee-bee-BEEEEE) and then into the call signs, the caller, the one called, signal report, name, and the weather. The caller is Jim, which is a great omen, he's in Atlanta and he's returning to Susan in Hershey, PA. The weather is sunny and 51 degrees. Rig is a Drake running 50 watts into a loop antenna. After having eavesdropped on more than a few exchanges here and there at a more conversational speed he's realized how the entry speed not only feels slow but he's gotten beyond proficiency and could test a bit higher if that would accomplish anything.

He hands his paper to the female examiner and she seems to know what to look for, just taps it with a pen and hands it to Phil, who just nods, who hands it to Bud who just shakes his head, "Kid's a Swanson alright."

Before letting him go they make it clear that he always has a home at their club meetings and events and nets and we hope to hear you on the air soon as your ticket arrives, although the FCC is a few weeks behind thanks to budget cuts.

At that point Nick doesn't know what to do with himself so he hits the campus, walks the trail and wanders up to his building. For whatever reason he fishes out his keys to find the front door unlocked, then finds the computer lab with a few computer lab types getting things ready for next week. Next week, prime time. It's probably best if he doesn't get sick, just hope she's better by Wednesday.

He unlocks one of the adjoining classrooms and turns on a light to find it neatly swept and desolate. Going to feel strange not being in one of those seats. His office is literally a hole in the wall, between two locked doors at the back of two different classrooms and behind a smaller lab that's only accessible from the main hallway. It was probably intended as storage space then fitted for a desk when they realized they needed a tech on staff as the program grew.

Nick unlocks his office to find everything as he'd left it, housekeeping doesn't enter office spaces and staff have to set their trash cans outside to have them emptied or else make other arrangements.

It's about now that inspiration hits, it's a good time to get curious about the mainframe that powers the main lab, the big iron, the VAX. He hadn't logged into his student account in months and that would have to be disabled by now, and he hadn't yet asked for a staff account, he'd been preoccupied with getting the 6809 simulators re-re-upgraded.

He can either mess with it now or at home, might as well be a little of both, so he fires up his newly rebuilt workstation and brings up a command prompt, then stares at it. Seems you can...dec-net? Does the VAX have an...address? Seems the printers go through the VAX but he's never talked to it personally from anything but a dedicated console.

Time to head down the hall and poke his head in the lab. After about 10 minutes of bantering he's back in his office with half a page of notes scribbled on whatever was on top of the recycle bin to try his password, they set it to require a reset so pick a good'un, and he does, and he's free to explore. So he looks around for a few minutes then heads out, evidently on weekends like this the inbound modem line is rarely used so he can go nuts and just take a break every hour or so in case someone else needs it.

After some more pensive driving Nick ends up at his other Alma Mater, the Rad Shack, and before he can get to the desk here comes Bain who talks him into grabbing a burger and brew over at whichever lodge he belongs to.

When Nick finally gets home in the evening he finds his mom at the table and joins her after a peck on the forehead, recounts the day then gets quiet.

"Is there something else, dear?" Irene prods.

"Well...when talking to Noreen on the pay phone I told her I love her, and she said she could kick my butt."

Irene laughs and looks away, "Oh I bet she did."

"Is this some kind of girl thing?"

"It's a thing, you're very lucky to have her and don't you forget it."

"Yeah I could do a lot worse."

"Yes you could. She could do a lot BETTER of course."

Realizing he wasn't about to win he heads upstairs, showers, powers on the IBM and digs out those VAX notes with the modem number.

Stockton

Feb 1987

Curious junior Curt Stockton is in his assigned seat in first period study hall before the bell, drawing some dark, furry creature that's mostly a primate's head, looking upward somewhat wistfully, with duck-bill feet, rope arms and dragging hands. Just as Nick walks up someone asks Curt what the hell that is, he just turns up with sleepy eyes and chants,

I got a big BLLLLLB...BLL-BLL-BU-BLLL-BLLLLLB

In a compelling low teeth-clenched growl.

"Nifty," the other dude offers, then just as the bell rings Nick remarks that it looks like some some kind of 70s album art and they take their seats, a space apart, with Nick two seats behind Curt alphabetically.

First period study hall fell to Doc Benson this term, balding and tenured, pretty much a sure sentence to everyone who doesn't go to the county voc that will need Government to graduate. The seating chart, as much as possible, staggers the occupants diagonally throughout the room, consensus is that has to do with Sigmund Freud smiling in his grave.

After the bell rings and whosoever will are dismissed to the library, at the click of each minute on the centrally synchronized clocks Stockton would hit it again, subtly,

I got a big BLLLLLB...BLL-BLL-BU-BLLL-BLLLLLB

Expertly metered to just a 7 or 8 seat radius, and after a couple times it gets a bit bolder as folks chime in,

I got a big BLLLLLB...BLL-BLL-BU-BLLL-BLLLLLB

You have to keep the tongue against your front plate, and Curt seems to keeps a beat on Benson, who may have already caught on, but for now,

I got a big BLLLLLB...BLL-BLL-BU-BLLL-BLLLLLB

Definitely getting a bit of support among those just staring at their books, or acting like it, although Katrina “HellKat” Yaeger is red in the face and subtly shaking with hysterics but able to conceal it from the front with her paperback.

Each click brings more and more of a make or break, this can't go on forever, but surely not till the next bell, seems at least half a dozen voices strong now, click,

I got a big BLLLLLB...BLL-BLL-BU-BLLL-BLLLLLB

Nick takes a look out the window and chimes in from the side of the mouth this time. After scratching and looking back down he stares up at the front wall, as if deep in thought, about ten feet from the front desk but it's pretty clear Benson is scanning for suspects.

Stockton, cool beans in a buzz cut, all this time sitting back thumbing through some car mag, which tends to direct his voice toward the back where it needs to be.

This is crazy, a bit too crazy, Nick struggles to keep his ears from flushing, click,

I got a big BLLLLLB...BLL-BLL-BU-BLLL-BLLLLLB

"Gentlemen I believe choir auditions were a few months ago, but we can arrange a review if you wish." Benson had been perched on the front desk the past couple rounds glaring before he spoke up.

Well crap.

Stockton turns toward the window and issues a sly grin from the side. It's over. Wayyyy too soon.

Shela...umm, Sheila

Fall 1988

Shela...Shela...she like a hurricane

Shela...Shela...she like a ball and chain

The great lost Aerosmith tune that only rockers know would echo in Nick's chamber whenever her name came up in Mythology class.

He'd taken the class even after Irene briefly freaked out thinking it was a religion thing, no, it's to help you think. Well, okay then. It's offered to the upper two classes only.

She - Sheila, spelled differently than the song - is a senior, just another girl at first who he'd never known about until this class.

She never looks his way but is a pro at being Sheila, her job is to talk to other girls about the things most important to birds of a feather.

She's not a brunette or blond but in between, sandy blond, light brown, always combed and freshly cut, her makeup perfect, she blends in except for some reason. Sheila. Eyes are dark, at least from passing glances. His, not hers.

She doesn't usually wear jeans but those other kinds of pants, with the gathers, always coordinated, as if professionally. Maybe that's another part of her job is to be well put together.

She is mild yet attentive, doesn't draw attention to herself, not intentionally, except for his.

She is a senior and therefore in a different plane of existence – not that Nick hasn’t been around older gals, but it’s in her court to pull him into her world.

She is not thin but not chunky, about five foot six. Sheila.

She is probably really close to her mother.

She might play sports but who knows, of course, that would mean she’d have to be well put together in whatever uniform or gear. Sheila.

Over the decades the movie industry has noted that the classical Greek trials and tribulations lend themselves to features, and teachers, so here and there they spend a couple hours a week watching videos, the lights are down, Nick's mind finds itself on a really soft bed with a really soft Sheila, lying on their sides, he's sliding off her gathered pants and whatever lies beneath is at the ready, Sheila, in a quiet, receptive state, C-cup bosoms in a C-cup bra, and once the set-up is all set up his mind wonders how this could ever come to be.

The problem with physical relations is it generally requires social interaction which in turn requires social ambition. These kinds of notions always start at Point B with the Point A and all in between left as an exercise for the reader, as math texts like to say.

This is near the point in the semester that Nick realizes that mythology class is a lot of memorization of names and facts, despite having the coolest teacher in the building, he finishes with a C and life goes on as Sheila fades into the haze.

Joe's Garage

 Friday Sept 18, 1992

Noreen had stopped by campus and joined some Engineering Tech types for lunch. When she could get Nick alone she pulled a cassette from her purse,

"Play this in headphones when you have a chance to give it full attention, you won't be disappointed."

He agreed and didn't get a look at it till back in his lair, a Maxell 120-minute with a neatly printed label, but not in her hand, ZAPPA - JOE'S GARAGE I, II & III. Somehow he knew this has to be an Arden thing, bespectacled and reserved, handles some of the office stuff for the shop although word has it he's one hell of a welder.

So after supper Nick figures it's a fine time to chill out, tomorrow is busy enough, kill the lights, close the door and let the music do the rest.

He's never heard much of Frank's music save part of an old SNL rerun, lots of jazzy guitar and a big band standing around. One of the 80s metal mags had an interview and showed Frank with a short haircut with milk and cookies, must have been around the time he took on the dumbass PMRC. At that time Zappa seemed too adult so he didn't read the article but it was cool they included him.

The two hours just float by, although not without the sensation he hadn't had in years of being really glad no one else can hear this, damn. Who would have thought to put these kinds of thoughts against groovy music, and that guitar, sometimes it rocks hard, sometimes it just swings, so carefree but seems to have a purpose, like taking a walk in the woods and the trees seem to know things they can't tell you, there will never be an era like this again.

After that's over it's time to pee and might as well try the BBS sites, he's even thought of taking up chess, he wouldn't have to look far for someone to kick his ass at it, gotta start somewhere, as his dad says, it builds character.

The last track, Rosetta, just had to bring up his first, well, some might say conquest, he's still not sure what or whom was conquered that night. Although there was definitely a muffin involved.

Someone had uploaded a new DOS game but it would take longer to pull than he's willing to tie up the line, need to see if the gal wants to ride along tomorrow.

Around 9:30 it seems late enough to catch her, although he secretly hopes for the machine.

Turns out he's in luck, after the beep, in a sinister loud whisper,

"This is the Central....SchrOOOOOtenizer...at this point Joe...I mean, Nick...I mean...this girl is really messing up his head and he needs to know about tomorrow....you know what i mean..."

And then follows that with some improvised jazzy sounds until the machine times out.

About 10 minutes into TNG the phone rings.

"I take it you enjoyed that little excursion?"

"Well I'll never look at artificial life forms the same again."

"I think you better not look at them PERIOD. By the way I had to press my ear against the machine then when you started messing around I jumped a mile, nice going, dipshit."

"We aim to please. So what's the outlook?"

"I'd like to go with you if you can swing by, that library has some neat memories and I wouldn't mind just, you know..."

"Good enough, see you around 8? I can bring some baked goods."

"Honey you're the greatest, I'll make coffee."

Opportunity Sneaks Up

September 16, 1992

Nick's office phone rarely rings, in fact, he can't remember when it wasn't some vendor or sales person asking for one of his predecessors and hadn't updated their Rolodex yet. One of the sales people was a female with a nice voice, but he knew a female with an even nicer voice, and in the middle of the afternoon it's her on the other end, after he was startled at the ringing and had to dig out the handset from behind a thick stack of Computer Shoppers.

"Guess where I'm at?"

He pauses for a second, sighs, "Alright how much is bail this time?"

"I'll tell your mother you said that."

He pauses for a longer second. "No way."

"Yep, been a crazy day, I was actually on campus but had to come over this way to drop off some work at an office, then thought I'd stop by to get my wits and now we're gonna fix supper tonight-" then she takes an exaggerated breath.

"Have your wits caught up with you yet?"

"You'll find out soon enough...so...anything in particular for supper?"

Another pause. "No not really."

Now she pauses, probably giving his mom a look, "Wow you're a big help."

"Is there going to be salad?"

"OOH salad!"  He can hear his mom talking, then "Sounds like we're doing salad."

"Alright then, it's salad."

"Honey I have some things to talk to you about, it's....well, I have an opportunity."

"Maybe we can sit on the patio."

"Mmmm I can't wait. OK you get back to slaving away and we're gonna run to the store I think."

"Yeah really, see you in a bit."

Classes begin next week. He's gotten things as ready as he knows how, hopefully nothing big breaks down but that's why he's there after all.

Slowly but surely he'd been soldering up a permanent version of his RTTY modem, leaving room on the board for transistors that would key the rig, once he’s licensed to transmit. It appears he'd have to track down a special rectangular connector to interface things with the rig but then that would just be a challenge for later days. Hell, one of these catalogs here on the shelf may just have it.

This coming Saturday there was a license testing session over in Noreen's county seat in the library basement. Goody had been studying but wasn't sure about the Morse code part, at least at this point, but was interested in getting the Technician license and might show up too.

* * * * *

Nick arrived home and found the gals sitting at the table sipping coffee, his mom delighted and Noreen slightly, well, dazed. After a brief greeting he takes her hand and leads them outside while Irene checks on whatever's in the oven, smells like pork chops.

The day had been cool but slightly humid. They stand on the patio for a moment staring out at the yard.

"You okay hon?" Nick finally offers.

She leans on him. "I got a call yesterday from Deb, our office assistant."

"The one who gets flustered by fake British interviewers?"

"The same. Asked if I could meet with Dr. Stone today."

"Utoh."

"That's what I thought, even when it's a good thing you can never be ready with him."

"So how did your real British interview go?"

"Nick they have been plotting to arrange a kind of fellowship for me, to get my masters..."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting anything like this."

"So...."

"Okay, first, well, there’s a good chance I'd be around here...except for some lectures or such on main campus here and there, and a lot of it would be independent study and during the summer."

"Cool, I think, does that work for you?"

"Nick it's a dream come true, best of both worlds. Dr. Stone has been talking to his...wanna say cohorts, but counterparts, at main campus, even the big dean, they're all on board. They'll find me classes to teach and I'm all set. Although there is a chance they might have me adjunct at other colleges here and there, that kind of thing, but I'll be based here. Well, at least that’s the plan."

"This is excellent."

She smiles at him for the first time today in his presence, "I sure hope so. Thank you for being so supportive. It's just so -"

"Sudden?"

"Yeah. Seems to be a recurring theme lately doesn't it?"

"At times. We'll make it work though."

She puts a hand on his shoulder. "Are you gonna do your radio test then come see me this weekend?"

"Unless you're gonna ride with me, Goody might show up too."

"We'll see." She stares into space and twiddles what's left of her last living-room perm.

"This has to be a lot to take in at once."

She sighs, "Yeah, it is, was getting things in place to start next week, not that I'd start my own classes till winter, but still."

Nick pulls her in for a squeeze, she rests her head on his shoulder and gets situated in the pre-autumn air.

After a few moments she asks, "I'm thinking of letting my hair go straight again."

"Like when, um, back-"

"You got it, Spike."

"Hmmm."

About then the patio door opens, then a male voice, "You two gonna spend all night out there? I'm hungry."

Noreen speaks up first, "Hi Ned, yeah let's eat."

"Hello, Dear, and what's-his-face can come in too."

During supper Irene mentions they saw Deacon at the store but didn't get to talk to him. So, after supper Nick sweeps up Noreen to pay him a surprise visit. He's graying a bit more than ever but same ol' Deke, slips her a wink and asks her how many fingers he's holding up to check her vision.

Nick puts his hands on his head in exasperation, "Why does EVERYONE ask her that?" then shakes his head as they laugh, then they have a round of imported beers on Deke's legendary patio.

Thee

1980

Right at the beginning of summer vacation, Nick finishes up in the downstairs bathroom and passes by Tim staring at the TV on the couch, through the kitchen, past Irene, to get to his bike in the garage, singing,

"Nothing is too difficult for mee-eee."

"Nick-" his mom turns from the sink.

"Sweetie..." she looks away in thought, "do you know what the words to that are?"

His ears get slightly red and warm. Unable to think of a response he just looks at her.

She looks away again and sighs slightly. "It's sung to God, Thee, nothing is to difficult for Thee."

Nick thinks for a moment, as in "The God?"

Irene has to think for a minute. "I suppose you wouldn't quite understand yet, it's an old kind of language, thee and thou like in the Bible."

"Oh."

"Sweetie don't worry about it, you just caught me off guard."  She tries to pull him in but he slips away, "gonna ride my bike, Mom."

"Okay just here in the block and check in before long okay?"

"I will."

Canoeing

Under partial clouds with but a gentle breeze they had a decent day to venture out in a canoe, now at a cozy spot next to a wooded shoreline. Nick had come to the point in the day when a ten minute snooze would clear the head, Noreen decided to take in some rays and lean against him as he reclines beneath his ball cap.

He had awoken to her disembodied voice warning that breakfast is almost ready and he has five minutes to shit, shower and shave.

"When did you leave?" He managed to croak out in the haze.

"I'm a magical being, remember? Plus...I had to pee."

"Good idea."

He returned from the latrine to a huge bounty, griddle cakes, bacon, eggs if you wanted. This is how you do it.

After taking that in it wasn't long before murmurs of the fabled pontoon excursion, Noreen thought it best to take their time and walk over to the livery, "a little time to ourselves won't hurt will it?"

Sometimes it's hard to believe how much you can get done in a morning, it was just about noon, or so, not that it mattered.

Dozing off was always a suspended state of disbelief, as when trying to decide if someone just winked at you, sudden clarity of conscience. Noreen had not stirred in a while but she had sunscreened herself sensibly and had made him do his arms and neck at least. Smart gal. He reaches a hand beneath her tank top and into her bra, probing her left nip, pushing slightly into the center until it responds. He also feels the expected response inside his shorts and against her back.

"Why do you like those so much?"

"What makes you think I can explain it?"

"They're two of my biggest disappointments ever, should say, two of my smallest -"

"Want me to leave 'em alone?"

"Someone might see."

"You know better, someone would need binoculars."

"Someone would need a microscope to see mine."

"Are you wet?"

Nick feels teeth on his left forearm, she shifts to her right and he gets his eyes open just in time for a  facefull of lake water. "No but you are."

"You missed."

As he wipes his face inside his shirt she sits up and looks sideways. "C'mere you."

He nestles up behind her. "Later on, it may take a while for you to get any satisfaction, just remember that, I'll take my sweet time. Now get your sweet ass back there and start rowing mister," pecks his cheek and scoots up to reassume her own rowing duties.

"Yes M'AAM."

They head on toward the main body of the lake proper, Nick observes, "Any sign of the pontoon?"

"Actually no, but they could have tied up to get ice cream or something."

"The kids will like that."

"Big kids AND small kids."

"Aren't we about twice their speed in that thing?"

"That sounds like work."

"Good point. So is everyone having a good time? Seems there was some aggravation getting set up yesterday."

"Oh yeah, that's normal, in fact, it's hilarious - those boys used to give Mom and Dad all kinds of hell in the good ole days."

"Oh I bet."

"Legend has it - I don't remember - but one time Mom got so mad the threatened to fly into one big piece, you know, as if flying to pieces wasn't good enough."

Nick stops rowing, then had to bring his oar in and set it down.

Noreen turns around, "Hey can I get a little help here?"

He just keeps on, "Oh man, I'm surprised Tim an I never -"

"Yeah you two Cretans would be just the root cause....are we gonna just drift about or you wanna think about heading back for lunch? Oh we can hit that dairy stand -"

Nick grabs his oar and gets back to business, "Ya talked me into it Mac."

"Aww, they used to call Dad that, Mac, from our last name."

"I'll remember that."