Sunday October 4, 1992
He hadn't talked to Noreen since briefly Friday night, and she was kinda terse but asked if he could come out Sunday.
They sat outside and she wanted to hear about Deej, except, calling her Danni.
"That worked out well then. I needed some time to process."
"You were kinda busy Friday?"
"Well..." and he could swear she got a tad flushed.
After she takes a couple breaths and tries to find an expression, she does this self-gathering motion with her arms and he blurts out, "you look like Diane on Cheers."
She sighs. "Dumbass. Well she never had to spring this on ol' Sam, lemme tell ya."
"Are you OK?"
"I will be. And it wasn't harmful, just...."
"Blurt it out."
"Wokay...I ended up running home during the long break and found a message from Doris, our Avon lady, known her since high school." She pauses for a breath.
"Intriguing."
She glances up with a beehive's worth of warning.
"Sorry."
"Anyway, Sandy usually pools our orders together and we settle up, you know, and there was a message that my stuff had been delayed and I could pick it up. So I go over to her apartment, just off - where we go over to the library, in that little nook?"
"Ahh." Nick vaguely remembers that route.
"Well, Doris greets me with a big hug, we hadn't seen each other in a while, we catch up for a few moments, and she wants to show me the latest supplement since I usually just get the same thing, for years now, anyway...."
She flushes again.
Nick raises an eyebrow.
"Umm...she starts rubbing my shoulders."
"Okayyyy."
"Yeah. And it was soooo relaxing."
"I should do that more."
"Well....I kinda got lost in it. Nick...it went further than that."
His blood kinda went simultaneously hot and cold. "What do you mean?"
"It..." she tears up, "...it was like a dream, her hands moved around and..." after a few gasps, "before I knew it I was on her bed with my skirt up." She breaks into tears.
"Sweetie -"
"I don't know what this means."
"Um..."
"Yes, she put her mouth down there and I...fell into it and...I finished. BUT it wasn't like us, I swear, it was different."
"It's okay."
She looks at him somewhat more soberly. "If you want to be a dickhead and find this amusing, or even arousing I can excuse it."
"Nah."
"Is it kinda shocking?"
"Yeah."
"Nick I didn't ask for this but then, well - and I'm convinced she's entered some kind of life-changing condition, she's been divorced for years and never remarried, might be a mental… I can't let this happen again, as sweet as it was in some ways, I don't want to fuck...mess up what we have - I'm not making sense."
"Give it time."
"You're right. Just be patient with me?"
"Of course. What's with all the women in my life?"
"When it rains it pours. God it was crazy, I had the sense to not let myself fall asleep there, but still ended up missing some office hours."
"At least you didn't have a class. Oh, Deej hopes we can double or do group stuff, keep her out of trouble."
"Smart gal, I'm sure that can be arranged. Maybe we can scrape up a brother to brainwash into a state of suitable normality."
"Science can only do so much."
Starting with the Montoya accent, "You keep using that phrase...but it remains true. But I need to ask a flavor."
"Yeass?" (trying to imitate Bugs)
Deep breath, "I left my Avon at her apartment during a hasty goodbye while she was trying to excuse her behavior, " she shudders, "can you…go over and pick it up for me? Not sure I want the gals going over there and I still don't know how to handle it with them."
"Eesh, sure, no probs."
------------------------------
After a quick TV lunch Nick arrives at the address scribbled on the corner of notebook paper, along with a twinge of regret that the rest of the sheet must now live on as an amputee.
He knocks the knocker and immediately hears Terri Garr say "Zhank you, Dokhtor!"
After a moment a voice, "Who IS it?" with the musical inflection on the IS.
“I'm Nick, umm, Noreen asked me to pick up her order, she's tied up at the moment.”
The door swings open to a short middle-aged ginger, and before he can take her in,
"Oh Nick - my, she told me about you and, oh my I'm afraid things got a little out of hand, I don't know what came over me. Please, umm...please dear have a seat over here."
She directs him to a love seat and grabs a small bag, sets it down on the floor then sits on her knees before him.
"Nick I must, I simply must make this up to you."
"Umm - " His heart is now pounding and he can't remember her name.
She removes her blouse, the kind that his mom grabs off the rack at Kmart to send to a grandma for a summer birthday. "Sweetie, it's only right, will you please remove them."
Nick can't help but stare as she reaches to remove her well-laden brassiere, makes a face reaching for the snaps, "OH would you mind?" as she swivels halfway around.
At this point he has the realization that this situation will just need to play out as it will so he obliges. Her freckled bosoms flop almost down to her waist band.
She then reaches for his belt buckle so he gives in and kinda assists, not having a sense for any kind of etiquette in this situation. He eases just his jeans down and leaves his boxers for fate.
Before he can square himself on the love seat she's digging in his drawers, "let's see here...HEEEERREE we go, ohhh myyy..."
She unsheathes Elvis and the Twins neatly then flops her own goodies onto his legs, then gently eases his semi-curious thing between her soft lips.
Finally his conscience can start to catch up. Ethically, at least by Noreen's logic, this is fair, But also by her estimation, this woman may not be in the best frame of mind, but still, her charisma has undoubtedly served her well in the Avon game, she could probably talk him into several bottles of that Wild Country that his dad likes so much - present circumstances notwithstanding.
For some reason he asks, "Are you married, Doris?"
She tags in her hand, and she expressively answers, as if chatting over tea, "Nooooo, I'm afraid I've been alone for, for quite some time now, but let's not get into that," as she goes back to her dainty yet effective form of snake charming. Definitely has a knack or experience with this, which he doesn't know what to do with at this point, she's hitting that spot.
"You're really...good." Is all he can think to say. Again, when in Rome; he gently places hands on the tender rocket-shaped pancakes draped across his thighs.
She just looks up and gives an innocent smile, again, present circumstances notwithstanding.
It had been since the other night and, as much as he wanted to learn more about her, she seemed to sense it was close,
"You'll have to excuse me, I never could stand the taste, so you just let it happen all over me when you're ready."
This was too much, and it made a rare fountain jump, some in her hair but he really rooted for some syrup on the pancakes. She tapered off gradually as he finished, "there you go, Dear, all better." Then pecked the tip of it. "Let me go get a washcloth."
He remembered Noreen having to resist falling asleep but that would mean missing whatever happens next. He almost re-packs but, he's her guest after all, when in Rome.
She quickly returns with a damp washcloth, and cleaning up her chest, then she gently tends to his portions and neatly tucks them back into their home.
"There Dear, I hope this makes it better."
He looks her in the face and can't resist cupping her ample bosoms, "Is there any thing I can do for you?"
She demurs, looks down, fumbles for her bra, "Um, Nick can you just help me with this?"
"Sure."
"I know this has been strange, I...I haven't been feeling quite myself lately, I hope I haven't hurt you dear folks."
"You haven't hurt a thing, Doris, this has been....interesting. You're very sweet."
She sighs, "Thank you for saying so, dear if you don't mind I think I need to lie down, yes, I need to rest, this has been quite a..."
"Are you OK?"
"I...I think so, just, I need to rest, it was lovely meeting you, um, Nick?"
"Yes, yes it was...is this the Avon?"
"Yes, check the name on the bag, but it should be hers."
Nick verified the name, and kinda seems like she was expecting someone to show up for it.
"Well take care, I hope...you feel better soon."
She showed him to the door, "Take care, Nick."
He walked out with somewhat weak knees and looked back at her door. Heh, "what knockers."
------------------------
Noreen could tell something was up and met him with an expectant look.
He handed her the bag, "Well, we're even," was all he could muster.
Her eyes went huge and she led him to the sofa as the breeze had picked up outside. "Details, man."
She tried so freaking hard, he could tell, to not laugh, although they both know there was a very potential dark side on the horizon for their mutual benefactor.
At one point he admits, "she's so sweet, in some ways it would be tempting to both go over at once."
"Nick..."
"I know."
Noreen looks down while rubbing her chin with a knuckle as she thinks, "Well, I'll just tell the gals that Doris is not acting herself and we should try to get her checked out."
"Yeah. Kinda....well, your own mom."
She sighs, "yeah."
After a pause, "well we certainly shared something."
Noreen smiles, "that we did, honey, leave it to us? Now you have three girlfriends, slugger." and mock-punches him on the arm.
"Now wait -"
"Nick...you know it's OK, none of us are in a state of commit, if you need more time with Danni just say so."
He makes a light grimace. "I honestly don't know what to do with her, she's starting over and I don't think anyone she knows looks at life the way we do, you know. We were kinda...all talk and tease, never really made out, just that awkward time at a stupid party."
She grins expectantly.
"Okay, I tried what you think I tried and it went everywhere. It's a wonder we didn't get caught, she found it pretty amusing."
Noreen covers her face, folds over her lap and finally lets herself laugh. "Swing and a miss. And I have GOT to meet this miss."
"Just what I need, call me Swing then. She admitted I should help keep her focused."
"Well you better just do that, Swing, she's my kind of gal or she wouldn't be in your world. So...Swing...I was really your first, for that particular ass-pect?" She manages an expectant look while mostly fighting the laugh.
He gives her a look to try and squelch the new nickname (no pun intended), "Yeah, it would have been apocalyptic had I managed to do that back in 8th grade, kinda put me in a zone." That sentence just blurted out and he wasn't quite sure what he meant.
Noreen plays with his shirt buttons, seems he prefers the button-up shirts to tees these days as a semi-professional wannabe. "Just thankful you eventually found my zone."
"Do you have anyone else, while we're at it?"
"Just Doris."
"Did you get to see her jugs? But, seriously."
"Nope, shucks, but that's as serious as I can get. Most men are just cardboard cutouts to me, you have something different."
"That little mole on my butt?"
"Your brain you mean?"
"My brain, hell, both my brains are tired. Not even Darling?"
She flips him off, with a sassy street move, "Stride it...an' ride it, sucka. And don't complain, you probably got a better deal than me today."
"Don't..."
She winces, "Sorry, too far....but she's...something, she really did a number on both of us."
"Can't help but wonder -"
"Um, let's, let's not wonder too much."
"Howbout we go get coffee or somewheres else."
"Yeah, howbout I follow you that way?"
"Deal."
Deal is sealed with a two-beat smooch before they head out, but not before Bart flags them down to talk about cars.
---------------------------------
After Noreen gets home and calls, Nick has already showered and still can't believe it. He'll have to come to terms with the temptation to stop in on Doris again, their story began and probably ended within about ten minutes.
For the first time in years he recalls a shut-in lady that his mom used to help out on weekends, to help with her hair and nails. Donna was waist-down paraplegic, or nearly so, from one of the nervous disorders, maybe MS, and appreciated help bathing and maybe some salon stuff, just some interaction other than TV, the way Irene explained it. The church van had to pick Donna up since it had room for her chair.
One time she thought it best to bring Nick for some kind of character building, he could just watch TV and be another visitor. At one point he was seated on the couch after they started her bath and the door came open. Without thinking he looked and saw Donna sitting there in the tub completely exposed and looking right at him, walnut-brown hair and eyes, well endowed, mid-30s and tragically beautiful in that state. He could hear her talking with the running bath water, then with a couple of evident nudges from his mom the door went shut.
At that point a fifth-grade Nick found it most comfortable to move to a chair out of sight of that door. Was he in trouble? He didn't mean to see, and Donna looked square at him, what was she thinking?
He tried in vain to watch American Bandstand and it seemed forever until he smelled a curling iron and felt somewhat relieved for some reason.
Somewhat into the next program Irene calls out, "Nick will you help her get to her chair?"
His blood ran cold but he felt redemption, especially after discovering she had on a robe now, she avoided eye contact but grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it with a word of thanks when she got situated.
This moment always felt sacred, and even more so after Donna succumbed to her condition just a few months later.
At various stages of maturity he would try to avoid thoughts of seeing a grown, wistful, shapely woman in that fragile state, beyond what his scant years couldn't begin to appreciate, in a forbidden space that robbed her ability to realize things that most humans take for granted.